#5 Procrastination

Although it’s been a week since the last post (an observation that was duly noted again and again), this timeframe is in perfect accordance with the habitus of seminary life, because if there is one thing that almost all Princeton Seminarians like, it’s procrastination.  In an environment that’s filled with a never-ending litany of readings to finish, papers to write, reflection journals to maintain, sermons to construct, and field education requirements to fulfill, Princeton seminarians might be considered some of the best procrastinators in the world.  You see the unofficial motto of Princeton seminarians is, “Why do well today, what I can do crappily tomorrow?” 

While you might think that completing one’s assignments and readings early would yield more time for leisure activities, Princeton seminarians know that putting off their studies is the one thing that secures the most time for throwing the Frisbee on the Quad or shopping for deals on Princeton University clothing.  Besides, why complete one’s assignments early when waiting until the last minute takes the fullest advantage of the seminary’s well-known grade inflation policy.  Additionally, by not proof reading their first drafts of their papers and only reading the first sentence of every paragraph while blindly make their way to class, Princeton seminarians demonstrate to their professors and preceptors their intellectual deftness and the fact that someone else probably wrote their admissions essay.  

It’s worth knowing that most Princeton seminarians are enjoyable creatures to engage in conversation with ninety percent of the time.  If, however, you happen to encounter one in the wake of her procrastination, avoid using phrases like, “perhaps if you’d planned better, you wouldn’t be in this situation” or “procrastination on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine”; that is, unless you enjoy having spittle-laden obscenities spewed in your direction.  You can sidestep these chance meetings with a keen eye for the telltale signs: traipsing across campus in unsightly pajamas, blatant disregard for personal hygiene, and prosecutable assault and battery of Stuart Hall printers.